5 Reasons Men Avoid Therapy (and Why They Shouldn't)

In over 25 years of working as a therapist, I've heard every reason a man can come up with for not being in my office. Most of them are reasonable-sounding on the surface. But when you look a little closer, they don't hold up the way you'd expect.

If you've been on the fence about therapy — or if someone in your life has suggested it and you've been quietly dismissing the idea — this is worth reading.

1. "I Should Be Able to Handle This on My Own"

This is the big one. Most men grow up with the message that self-reliance is the highest virtue. You solve your own problems. You push through. You don't ask for help unless something is truly falling apart.

Here's the thing: handling things on your own and handling things well aren't always the same. Sometimes "handling it" means stuffing it down, numbing out, staying busy, or just getting through the day without examining why the day feels so heavy in the first place.

Therapy isn't an admission of failure. It's a decision to deal with something more effectively than you've been dealing with it. That takes more strength than just gutting it out — not less.

2. "My Problems Aren't Bad Enough"

A lot of men think therapy is only for people in crisis. If you're not having a breakdown, if you're still going to work and keeping things together on the outside, then what would you even talk about?

The truth is, most of my clients aren't in crisis when they walk in. They're functional. They're getting by. But something feels off — a persistent heaviness, irritability that won't let up, a sense that they're going through the motions without any real satisfaction. That's enough. You don't have to hit bottom to deserve support.

In fact, the men who come in before things get truly bad tend to get the most out of therapy. They have more resources to work with and more room to make changes before patterns become deeply entrenched.

3. "I Don't Want to Just Sit and Talk About My Feelings"

Fair enough. And honestly, that's not really what therapy looks like — at least not the way I do it. Therapy is more like problem-solving with a wider lens. We look at patterns — how you think, how you react, what's driving your decisions — and figure out what's working and what isn't.

Some sessions involve talking about emotions, sure. But it's not aimless venting. It's focused. There's a point to it. And most men find that once they understand the format, it feels more like a strategic conversation than anything else.

If you want to know more about what the process actually looks like, I've written about what a first session involves.

4. "I Don't Want to Be Judged"

This one usually goes unsaid. But it's there. The worry that you'll walk in, say something honest, and the therapist will think less of you. Or worse — that you'll be told you're doing everything wrong.

That's not how this works. A good therapist isn't there to evaluate you. I'm there to help you understand yourself better and figure out what you want to change. I've been doing this for over two decades. There's very little that surprises me, and absolutely nothing that would make me judge someone for being honest about where they are.

The men who do best in therapy are the ones who stop performing and start being straight about what's going on. That's the whole point.

5. "I Wouldn't Even Know Where to Start"

That's actually fine. You don't need to have a diagnosis or a clear problem statement. You don't need to know the right words. A lot of men come in and say something like, "I don't even know why I'm here, exactly. Things just don't feel right." That's a perfectly good place to start.

Part of my job is helping you sort through what's going on. You don't need to arrive with answers — that's what we work on together. If you're curious about what to expect when starting therapy, I've laid that out clearly on my site.

So What Now?

If any of this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Most men sit with these thoughts for months — sometimes years — before making a move. There's no perfect time and no magic threshold you need to cross.

If something's been nagging at you, trust that instinct. It doesn't have to be more complicated than that.