How Therapy Works
Most people assume therapy is about getting advice. It's not. If advice were enough, a good conversation with a friend would solve everything. Therapy is about understanding yourself — your patterns, your reactions, the things that keep showing up in your life — so you can start making different choices.
The main tool is conversation. That sounds simple, maybe even underwhelming. But there's a difference between talking and being heard by someone trained to listen for what's underneath the words. In therapy, patterns become visible that you can't see on your own. Options emerge that didn't seem available before.
It's not the same as talking to a friend. A friend has opinions, history with you, their own stake in things. A therapist brings perspective without an agenda.
What Sessions Look Like
There's no script. I'll ask questions, but this is a conversation — not an interrogation. Your job is to speak as openly as you can. That includes the stuff that seems unimportant, the things that feel uncomfortable, and especially the thoughts you'd rather keep to yourself.
If something is hard to talk about, that's worth mentioning. You don't have to force it. Just saying "there's something I'm not ready to get into yet" is useful information. We work with what you bring.
This is collaborative work. Therapy isn't something I do to you — it's something we do together. You're not a passive participant. Your input, your pushback, your honesty — all of it matters.
Give It Time
Therapy is an investment, not a quick fix. The benefits aren't always immediate, and trying it for a session or two won't give you an accurate picture of what it can do.
Think of it like planting seeds. You don't plant something on Monday and get frustrated when nothing's growing by Wednesday. The work happens beneath the surface before it becomes visible. Some sessions will feel like breakthroughs. Others will feel ordinary. Both matter.
Give the process enough time to actually work. You'll know when things start shifting.
Difficult Feelings Are Part of the Process
At some point, you'll probably feel frustrated, annoyed, or like you want to quit. That's normal. In fact, it often means therapy has hit something important — something worth paying attention to.
The instinct is to pull back or stop showing up. I'd encourage you to do the opposite. When it gets uncomfortable, that's the time to lean in and talk about what's coming up. The discomfort isn't a sign that something's wrong. It's usually a sign that something's working.
People Around You May React
As you start to change — even in small ways — the people close to you may notice. And not all of them will be thrilled about it. When you start setting boundaries, speaking up, or handling things differently, the people who were used to the old patterns might push back.
This doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. It means you're disrupting a system that everyone had gotten comfortable with. Be prepared for it, and bring it into our sessions when it happens.
Staying Consistent
Life will compete for your session time. Work gets busy. Something comes up. You're not in the mood. The temptation to cancel or reschedule is strongest exactly when showing up matters most.
Consistency is what makes therapy work. Sporadic sessions are like going to the gym once a month — you won't see results. Make your appointments a priority, especially during the stretches when it feels hardest to show up.
Ending Therapy
When the time comes to wrap up, how you end matters. Therapy isn't something you just stop doing one day. The ending is part of the work.
When you're thinking about finishing, bring it up. We'll talk through it, review what you've accomplished, and make sure you're leaving in a solid place. Rushing out — or ghosting — robs you of one of the most valuable parts of the process.
Ask Questions
Therapy is a partnership. If something doesn't make sense — the process, something I've said, why I'm asking a particular question — ask. There are no dumb questions, and clarity makes the work better for both of us.
Portions of this page were adapted from materials by Jonathan Shedler, PhD.